After finishing our evening meal at a restaurant in town, my husband and I were walking back to our car. Along the way I stopped and picked up a salon brochure. Going to catch up to my husband, two elderly gentlemen started talking to me. Because I sensed they had been drinking, I moved briskly to get to our car.
As I walked ahead of them, I overheard the two of them talking. "Well, what number would you give her?" My thoughts wheeled in stunned disbelief. Was this really happening? It brought me back to my high school days. At that time in my life, the only thing that really mattered was what young men thought about my body. Getting in the car I told my husband about their comments. He responded casually, "So what rating did you get?" Feeling alone and lost, I rode home in silence.
The next day while journaling, my heart opened. This form of free flow writing brought enlightening revelations onto the paper. Then I noticed my own angst. My thoughts went to how rude others could be and how I had to put up with individuals who judged my appearance. Surely they saw my own physical imperfections which caused me to feel out of control and insecure.
It seems easier to reprimand the men and go down the well-worn path about how hurtful this can be and when will men stop treating women as objects. Instead of focusing on the men's behavior, I paid attention to how I was feeling. What was I thinking? A deep sorrow and sadness followed. Weeping I realized I too had been guilty of judging my physical body harshly. As a young girl, I compared myself to Barbie dolls and young bodies which were maturing faster than mine. Breast size was paramount and mine didn't match up. In grade school walking home boys would chant behind me. "Flatsie, flatsie, you're flat and that's that." My heart ached. Defective, flawed, and imperfect. It was easy to add breast size to my existing list of what's wrong with me.
Here is an example of a present day interaction that can be used to heal a past hurt. When I have buried pain and untruths within, I will be drawn to situations that give me the opportunity to let them go. With awareness, I can shine some light on the matter. Getting out of the darkness is liberating.
My desire is for all of us to accept our bodies and love them at each aging stage. And that we respect each other's physical body. Our bodies are naturally beautiful.
For me to live life fully, I have needed to release my past weights of criticism, fear and unworthiness. This is why I created Meditative Movements™. It is a simple exercise program that integrates physical movements with the breath and spoken core value affirmations. By voicing who we truly are, our awareness can be heightened. Then we can gently release those thoughts and emotions that steal our energy. We learn we can replace them with loving affirming movements that retrain our minds and bodies. In this way, we are honoring what has come before. We embrace this moment as it is. Taking time to heal ourselves, we make our future more joyful and compassionate.
Contact Ellie | 612-710-3415 | Email Ellie